Tuesday, 26 August 2008

I have failed – but I also paid the price

A Dom, to whom I am very grateful, has mailed me suggestions of self-punishment and I am glad that he made me try out stinging nettles. It was a most arousing experience and I have written more about it in two posts: Part One and Part Two. When I recently received another mail from him I naturally wanted to try out the punishment. But it proved not to be easy.

The idea was to fill a condom with sperm and hang it from the ceiling so high that I had to tiptoe and stretch my body to reach it. Of course I was not allowed to use my hands. My task was to bite through the condom and take as much as I could of the content in my mouth.

Of course I wanted to try it. I was ordered to trip and Master cuffed my hands behind my back. The condom was hanging so high up that I could barely touch it when tiptoeing. But I had to bite through it to access the valuable content. To inspire me, Master used a riding crop on my breasts, belly and thighs and the strokes burnt wonderfully. But I could not seem to get a grip of the condom by my teeth.

So finally I made a jump and tried to catch it. I missed. I jumped again . Same result. Master struck me harder and faster with the riding crop to really get me going. Suddenly, something gave way within me. In my mind’s eye I could see myself playing with Ville when he was younger. He used to love jumping to catch different things and although he cannot do it anymore due to age and poor health, I all off a sudden remembered all our great times together and all the wonderful years we have had together, ever since he was a puppy. In this very moment the whole situation seemed absurd. I stopped trying and Master, who felt that something was wrong, dropped the riding crop. He unlocked my cuffs and we just stood under the condom for a long while, hugging and kissing. I explained my feelings and Master gently caressed my hair while he explained that he did not want me to do something which was against my nature. He certainly knows how much Ville means to me.

There was an alternative scenario ordered in the mail. I should fill a condom with sperm or even urine and then put it in the freezer until it was to be used. I could then do it when I was alone. But I could not think of doing this, either. Keeping sperm and urine in a place where I keep the food – no, it felt totally revolting. What’s the difference? you might ask yourself. Sure, I simply love it getting both sperm and urine in my mouth directly from the source, so to speak. But this felt totally wrong.

In the end, Master and I agreed to give the whole plan up. He does not want to force me to do something that doesn’t feel right, just as he would never force me to be involved in animalsex or kidsex. But we also agreed that I should be punished most severely for my failure.

The punishment took one whole day. I was repeatedly chained to the hook where the condom earlier had hung and Master whipped me savagely with a single tail whip until I was about to pass out. He let me rest for a while and then the whipping started again, all over my body. He concentrated especially on my back at first and really gave me a great cris-crossing. When he paused, he smeared tiger balm into my wounds and soon the whipping started again. Believe me, this time I almost got more than I bargained for. Normally it is me who keeps on begging for more, but this was almost more than I could bear. My poor behind got its fair share of canes and rods until blood was trickling down my thighs.

After this whipping I had to stay in bed for a few days and Master was taking care of me like a baby, nursing my wounds. Many of the marks will remain for a very long time and they will give me very pleasant memories of this day each time I pose in front of the mirror. Memories of the day I was punished for my failure.

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